Life tip: Trust anyone in life, but never trust Sony making a Marvel movie (Morbius waalo ko meri taraf se condolences). The reason why I’m saying this is because it has been proved yet again with Madame Web. I mean it is rumored that when they started shooting the movie, they realized they had made the sets for the wrong timeline. Like bruh seriously? You guys confused the 1990s vibe with the 2000s? Only Uncle Ben knows how I’ve survived those two hours in the theatre. Dakota Johnson is the only good thing about the movie, which you can enjoy only if you don’t get distracted by the horrible storyline and the even worse creative decisions.
Plot
So, the movie changes things up from the comics. Instead of an old lady hooked up to life support, Cassie Webb is a woman in her 30s discovering her psychic powers. The story kicks off in the 70s in the Amazon, where Constance, who is preggo with Cassie, is hunting for a magical healing spider. Aur tabhi Om Shanti Om mein Mukesh ki tarah entry hoti hai Ezekiel Sims ki , who betrays her, and we flash forward 33 years to NYC. Cassie, now a paramedic, works with Ben Parker, yes humare Uncle Ben. But after a freak accident, she starts seeing the future and thinks she’s going nuts. Meanwhile, Ezekiel, living his creepy tech life, is paranoid about three girls—Julia (Sydney Sweeney), Anya (Isabela Merced), and Mattie (Celeste O’Connor)—thinking they’re going to kill him. So it’s basically him vs the 4 powerpuff girls and the result is well… let’s move on.
Performances
Dakota Johnson totally nails it as Cassie. She literally carries the whole film. There’s something about her, she brings this cool, laid-back vibe that’s super relatable, especially when she’s dealing with her weird new powers. Adam Scott as a young Uncle Ben is a nice touch, bringing some warmth to the story. He’s the best casted actor for the role imo. But Tahar Rahim as the villain Ezekiel is a mixed bag—he’s intense but sometimes unintentionally funny. Like, wo menacing rich guy who can do anything to get what he wants waali vibe nahi aayi. The girls—Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor—play their parts well enough, but they have absolutely nothing to work with. It is funny how no focus is given on such important characters jinko Sony waale actually achhe se utilise kar sakte hai.
Direction and Writing
S.J. Clarkson, the director, who’s known for “Jessica Jones,” keeps things moving fast, which is great, because all of us wanted it to end midway. But the writing? Just terrible. The script by Clarkson, Claire Parker, and the “Morbius” writers (why did they even continue with them) is literally filledddd with cringe-worthy moments (the number of times I face-palmed). Like imagine Dakota Johnson’s Cassie having to keep explaining her powers to every new person she meets. Kyu bhai? Why you gotta make it so unnecessarily repetitive? The dialogues are pretty basic, and no, just because it’s a superhero movie, you can’t get away with mid AF writing. What a turn off man. The only good thing is we all had kinda anticipated this so the pain’s less.
Screenplay and Cinematography
As I said, only Uncle Ben knows how I’ve sat through the 2 hours in the theatres. I legit met him by the time the credits rolled. There is literally no tension built up or suspense generated throughout the movie. The cinematography is nice though. It maintains the supernatural feel with some trippy visuals when Cassie’s powers kick in. The only good parts are when Cassie is figuring out her powers and trying to save the girls. Uske alawa it is all just frustrating. None of the action scenes are impactful. Wahi loud, generic shit. And the climax is the biggest disappointment ever. Why does Sony even try to make Marvel movies when it knows it just can’t do it right?
In short, Sony has learnt absolutely nothing from “Morbius”, and it is an absolute shame. I can only imagine how horrible it’d perform without Dakota Johnson in it. Bass unhone hi bachi kuchi laaj rakhi hai movie ki. You’ll want to forget it the moment you step out the theatres so it’s rather better to just skip this one and rewatch the Tobey Maguire Spider-man trilogy. Good old days when Sony used to do justice to Marvel.
