I don’t know who you are, what you do, or what you like, but if you’re a true Indian, there’s no way in hell you don’t love Diwali.
Because, well, what’s there not to like?
Kaju ki barfi?
But as our uncle Ben once said, “With great festivals, come a great number of douchebags.” From relatives sending annoying whatsApp texts to douchebags bursting crackers in their hand, the annoyance on Diwali is next level, and it’s time someone called it out. So, if you do any of these things, please do us all a favor and smack yourself in the head.
1. Please don’t share this photo, you lower the IQ of the entire internet.
This photo is like the singing sirens for Indians. They just can’t resist it, they see it and they just have to share it. All India Bakchod saw the opportunity and took it.
2. For the love of all the Hindu gods, please stop with madness!
Looking at the number of texts, photos and videos one receives on Diwali, I think it should rather be called National WhatsApp Spam Day. If you’re guilty and reading this, know that you have a special place reserved in hell.
3. We know your middle name is badass. Now pls stop.
By bursting firecrackers in your hand, you might prove that you’re fearless, but you also prove that you’re brainless. Now, I’m totally against bursting firecrackers, but if you like it, it’s fine, do it like a sane person and think about your safety as well as everyone’s.
4. Evolution gone wrong.
Do you know what’s more annoying than people lighting rockets? people lighting rockets sideways. Please be a little less stupid and little more considerate. Humans took about 100,000 years to evolve into what we are today, please don’t embarrass the evolution by doing shit like this. Dhanyawaad.
And please don’t even think about this.
5. The hypocrisy is strong with these people.
It’s okay to be stupid, but please don’t be this kind of stupid.
6. Gambling on Diwali night can be bad for yo- lol jk play with your cards and drink some beer. You deserve to chill.