If you haven’t been living under a massive rock, you’d know that Indian stand-up comedians are killing it online, just as hilariously they are killing it on-stage.
Here’s a list of the funniest tweets by your favorite stand-up comedians in India:
Indian matrimonial ad: Seeking strong independent career driven Indian woman to make Roti
— Sanjay Manaktala (@smanak) August 22, 2016
Fawad Khan is good looking, sure. But so is every sumo driver from Kashmir, who looks just like him.
— Sonali Thakker (@SonaliThakker) August 30, 2016
Don’t worry about your board results, twenty years down the line nobody will care about it.
— Biswa Kalyan Rath (@kalyanrath) May 21, 2016
Sometimes you try to crank out all ice cubes from the tray and 3 of them hold hands and refuse to budge like “JAYENGE TOH SAB SAATH MEIN”
— Tanmay Bhat (@thetanmay) October 4, 2016
The best part about having a gym partner is that when two people miss gym, the guilt cancels out.
— Kenny Sebastian (@knowkenny) May 10, 2016
*doesn’t drop phone for 2 years*
*takes off phone cover for 5 seconds*
*phone falls off bed, rebounds out of window, gets hit by asteroid*
— Azeem Banatwalla (@TheBanat) July 3, 2016
I always thought “Vicco Turmeric, nahi cosmetic” was our national anthem which is why it played before every movie.
— Aditi Mittal (@awryaditi) November 30, 2016
What is faster than light?
The speed at which Indians unbuckle the seat belt as soon as a plane lands!
— Abish Mathew (@abishmathew) May 16, 2016
What feminists say:’We want equality’
What meninists hear:’Valar Morghulis’
— Biswa Kalyan Rath (@kalyanrath) July 22, 2016
Girl: Have you ever cheated on a woman you love?
Me: Well I had rajma at my buas house when my mom had made dinner.
— Sanjay Manaktala (@smanak) December 6, 2016
Me at a high fashion event-
Journalist: So Kaneez who are you wearing?
Kaneez: Um, all my insecurities.
— Kaneez Surka (@kaneezsurka) October 4, 2016
Friend: bhai tera pet nikal raha hai.
Me: nahi bhai yeh mera #dangal look hai.
— zakir khan (@Zakirism) November 29, 2016
Who called it How I Met Your Mother and not Ted-Ex?
— Rohan (@mojorojo) August 31, 2016
When I say @priyankachopra‘s name in my head I now automatically pronounce it like “Priyaaaanka Chopruh”
— Tanmay Bhat (@thetanmay) July 27, 2016
Nothing in this world is more fought over than how quickly you’ve started the “tik tik 1, tik tik 2…” in a game of Antakshari.
— Abish Mathew (@abishmathew) January 31, 2016
*Going through my contact list*
Dad: Beta, yeh jo Tinder surname waale hai matlab woh kaunsi caste ke hote hai?
— Sonali Thakker (@SonaliThakker) March 26, 2016