How not to be an annoying McDouchenugget on Diwali 101
Diwali is finally here! I don’t know who you are, what you do, what you like, but if you’re a true Indian, you absolutely love Diwali. Because, well, what’s there not to like?
Kaju ki barfi?
But as our uncle Ben once said, “With great festivals, come a great number of douchebags.”
From annoying whatsApp messages, gifs and photos to bursting crackers in your hand, the annoyance on Diwali is getting out of hand and it’s time someone called it out. So, if you do any of these things, please do us all a favor and smack yourself in the head.
1. Please don’t share this photo, you lower the IQ of the entire internet.
I don’t understand why but this photo is like the singing sirens for Indians. They just can’t resist it, they see it and they just have to share it. All India Bakchod saw the opportunity and took it.
2. For the love of all the Hindu gods, please stop with WhatsApp forwards.
Looking at the number of texts, photos and videos one receives on Diwali, I think it shouldn’t even be called Diwali anymore, it should be called National WhatsApp Spam Day. Also, good news, now relatives can spam all the groups with gifs as well. Perfect. If you’re guilty and reading this, know that you have a special place reserved in hell.
But that being said, do pick up your phone and text the people who actually matter to you.
3. We understand that you’re a badass mofo but please don’t burst crackers in your hand.
By bursting firecrackers in your hand, you might prove that you’re fearless, but you also prove that you’re brainless. Now, I’m totally against bursting firecrackers, but if you like it, it’s fine, do it like a sane person and think about your safety as well as everyone’s.
Humans took about 100,000 years to evolve into what we are today, please don’t embarrass the evolution by doing shit like this.
4. Rocket doesn’t go sideways. It’s not rocket science for f’s sake.
Do you know what’s more annoying than people lighting rockets? people lighting rockets sideways. Okay, I understand how exciting it is, you’re with your friends, road is empty, you want to do something “fun”. But you don’t realize that your fun can turn into someone nightmare. Please be a little less stupid and little more considerate. Dhanyawaad.
5. The hypocrisy is strong with these people.
It takes a special kind of a stupid person to be the environmental police in the morning and preach Green Diwali, but comes the night, they take a kejriwal and they are the first ones to start bursting crackers. It’s okay to be stupid, but please don’t be this kind of stupid.
6. Gambling on Diwali night card be bad for yo- lol jk play with your cards and drink some beer. You deserve to chill.